Cosette's Birth Story

3/27/17

3/27/17

3/27/17

4/1/17 (2 weeks old)

7/11/17 (Almost 4 months old) 

Cosette is here!!!! (I know she is almost 5 months old... #secondchildprobs) She has been such a delightful addition to our family and we love her to pieces. She really is the most smiley, happy baby and we couldn't be happier. SO here's the long awaited birth story!

Before we get into Cosette's full birth story, let's give you guys a little background in the timeline. Most importantly, Henry was a c-section and we were planning on having a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) for Cosette. My doctor/hospital won't induce for VBACs, which meant that I needed to go into labor spontaneously or else I would have a scheduled repeat c-section. Since Henry was a week late, I was really nervous that I wouldn't go into labor on my own before they pushed me to schedule the surgery. I ended up scheduling the surgery for March 28th, which gave me 10 days past my due date to go into labor on my own. And let me just tell you that getting a bunch of papers in the mail about your upcoming surgery doesn't help a nervous mom who is already scared of having a VBAC and kinda thinks a scheduled c-section would be kind of nice. I already know what to expect with a c-section recovery; it wasn't that bad at all. There are so many unknowns with a vaginal birth. What if the recovery is worse? Why do I want a VBAC so badly? It would be so nice to know the exact time she will be here! I digress.

I was due on Saturday, March 18. Cameron's final research dissertation was due to his committee for final review on Thursday, March 16. (Really great timing, right?).  My doctor stripped my membranes at my 38 week appointment on March 7th and nothing happened. I read a couple of stories online about stillborn babies that week and started to get super paranoid about fetal movement. The next Monday or Tuesday I start freaking out because I can't remember when I felt the baby last move. I start doing kick counts. Does that count as one movement or 5? Does that count? Was that gas or the baby? After bring hypersensitive for a period of time I felt  better because there was enough movement that I wasn't too worried anymore. Meanwhile I'm messaging Cameron, and he goes back and forth from thinking we lost the baby to thinking I'm stressing over nothing.

So at my 39 week appointment on Tuesday, March 14th, I mentioned that I don't think she moves as much as Henry did. But maybe she does and I just have a skewed memory of how active Henry was. But I'm still nervous about it. He does a quick remote ultrasound and thinks that my fluid might be low and schedules me to have a full sonogram the next day. But for now, let's do a Non Stress Test (NST) to make sure movement is okay. Oh and do you want me to strip your membranes again? Sure! Why not? I'm dilated to about a 1 at this point (same as the week before).

Cameron and I (and Henry) walk into the non stress test room and they hook me up to all sorts of contraptions and said I can't move for 30 minutes. We didn't bring a single toy or device for Henry since we weren't expecting to be there for so long, so Cameron spent the next 30 minutes chasing Henry up and down the halls making sure he didn't break any equipment. He was not so pleased with this scenario. Turns out baby was totally fine. I'm just an anxious mom. So we scheduled an ultrasound for the next day to check on my amniotic fluid.

So my appointment was at 4pm and with the non-stress test and everything, we probably got home a bit after 5pm. We most likely stopped by Taco Bell (a regular occurrence) on the way home, but I can't remember. Around 6pm my contractions started to become regular, and by regular, I mean like every 3-7 minutes with each contraction being 30-45 seconds long. I religiously became glued to my contraction counting app. They remained 5-7 minutes apart for the rest of the evening. Now, I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions basically my whole pregnancy, so I wasn't sure if these were the real deal or not. We didn't want to call on our overnight babysitter to come over and then we go to the hospital and then they send us home. So, I waited and waited, timing each contraction. I think Henry knew something was going on because he took at least 2 hours to go to sleep that evening (ugh). We gave our helper a heads up, saying tonight might be the night, we'll let you know!

After a few hours, maybe around 9 or 10pm (after Henry finally went to sleep), I told Cameron that I think I'm really in labor and that we should go to the hospital soon. *Let's not forget Cam's dissertation timeline. It's Tuesday night and he needs to submit it on Friday. He is typing like a mad man and emailing his advisor (God sent) back and forth late into the night. I'm sitting in bed next to him, breathing through each contraction, asking, "Can we go now? How about now? I'm just waiting for you, babe." He's a bit frustrated that I had my membranes stripped because of his timeline, and I was confused since we did it the week before, why wouldn't we do it again? and I also didn't think it would do anything. So I felt bad because I didn't even think to discuss it with him before I consented to having the sweep. But what's done is done and the baby is on her way. Your dissertation is good enough; they will understand. His professor told him to leave his computer at home and to go to the hospital; his dissertation was good enough and would pass as is. With that reassurance, Cam came to a stopping point, we called our babysitter, packed a few last minute things and off we went!

We got to the hospital a little after midnight. Contractions were coming in strong and very uncomfortable. They were a bit different than Henry's (from what I remember) and the pressure was really low, making it hard to sit through them. Because it was after-hours, we had to enter the hospital through the ER entrance. On our way in, we actually ran into a Labor and Delivery nurse who was about to go on her break, but she took me upstairs instead. I got all dressed in a gown and was told I was at a "loose 1" haha. Awesome. All this work for barely any progress. The nurse who checked me even said, "He stripped your membranes at a 1? Well, that wasn't very nice." So they got me all hooked up to monitor the contractions and let me labor. Cameron soon came in from getting me registered with the hospital and we got set up for the night. Before they called my doctor, they monitored me for an hour or two to make sure I was actually in labor.

I was soon at a 2, so they decided to give my doctor a call. I don't know about all hospitals or doctors, but in our small town, you only ever get the doctor that is on call. Meaning you only have like a 1 in 8 chance of actually getting your doctor, the doctor who has been with you every step thus far. We previously requested that he perform the delivery to which he agreed since I was having a VBAC, which makes me a higher risk (you know, of uterine rupture and death). So he made a special note in my file to call him instead of the on-call doc. One of the many reasons we loved him. They gave him a call to ask him if I should stay or go and he said to admit me and that he would be on his way shortly.

The nurse was excited and a bit surprised and told me "He is coming in! You're having a baby today!" Because I was having a VBAC, he needed to be at the hospital for the whole time, not just when it was time to deliver. I was like, "Great! Can I get the epidural now?"

Now that I was officially being admitted, they put in an IV and hooked me up to even more monitors. They said I needed to get through a whole bag of fluid before I could get an epidural. They also had to take my blood and get the lab work back before I could get the epidural, as well. This seemed to take forever. I wanted that blasted epidural stat. My sense of time totally goes out the window about now, so I'll try my best to remember the sequence of events.

I remember my doctor doing a quick sonogram to check on my fluids and everything looked good. I also know he broke my water at some point. I'm assuming right after he got there and after the ultrasound? I'm not sure. I mainly remember desperately waiting to get through that bag of fluid in my IV so I could get the epidural.

The epidural guy finally came! All went well and he was super friendly. He treated me like I was wonder woman even though I felt like I hadn't really done much. Cameron, on the other hand, was being watched like a hawk by the nurses who kept on saying he looked like he was going to pass out. He did not own up to this until later :p

The last they checked me I had been a 2, so big whoop. I had several very strong contractions while he was in there getting everything ready and right before he put it in, I had a big one so I made him stop. With Henry's labor, I was weirdly embarrassed that I was in pain and would try to hide it from everyone and act like nothing was happening during a contraction. I have since come to my senses and embraced being in labor. Yes this really does hurt. It's supposed to. So I was kinda proud of myself for speaking up and saying, "Wait. Not now. Give me a minute."

I have no idea what time I got the epidural, but everything seemed to happen super fast once I got it. Cameron and I were so excited to finally settle in and take a nap for a few hours before it was time to push. But that was not the case. I remember them checking my blood pressure over and over and over again. I literally had dark red lines on my bicep for weeks from the blood pressure strap. It squeezed so hard! Apparently my blood pressure was super low, but since I felt fine, the nurses weren't overly concerned about it, except that they checked it every 5 minutes on the dot. I remember that they tried to put an internal fetal monitor on Cosette's head, but it never took. I don't remember why they did, but I'm thinking it was because of my low blood pressure.

*Side note- I don't remember when it happened, but I know I puked twice during labor. Much less vomit than Henry's birth and I was prepared for it this time. Still gross though. Meanwhile, Cam was just enjoying Graham crackers, peanut butter, and diet Coke from the snack room. Nice ;) They did let me sip on apple juice from time to time. Once it got pretty close to delivery, they made me stop and admitted that they weren't really supposed to let me have anything the whole time. So I'm happy I had a little juice to get rid of the vomit taste!

At some point, I mentioned that the water tricking out of me felt funny, like I was peeing my pants. We laughed and the nurse checked and it was actually blood. No worries though, it was just my bloody show. Just trying to freak us out. While down there, the nurse checked me and I was at a 6! Wow! When did that happen? Great! No wonder I was bleeding a bit. Cosette was getting to work! The nurse left for a few minutes and we could hear her telling the other nurses in the hall, she's already at a 6. This is going so fast!

A few minutes go by (maybe 10?) and she checked me again and I was at a 7. We're like, what the what? Go Cosette, go! She was just kicking away and the nurses said that's not typical. She was just so excited to come :)

A few more minutes go by and I was at a 9 (at 5:20am- I just checked Cam's video log). The nurse disappears and we're like, Uh Hello? This is not the time to leave us. Baby is about to be here and everyone just left. I am starting to feel something different, like something is happening down there. There's a whole lot of pressure and I think I'm complete. Where is the nurse?!!

About that same time, she and a whole slew of nurses come in with all the carts for delivery. They turn on the giant spot lights  above me which lit up parts of me that don't get a lot of light. They then drop off the equipment and then all of them leave except for our one nurse. And she was like, "Okay, are you ready to push? I will hold one foot and Cameron will hold the other. With each contraction, you will do 3 big pushes for 10 seconds each. Breathe in and then exhale for those 10 seconds for each push."

Real talk- It was so nice just having Cameron and our nurse there. It was so quiet and intimate and not what I imagined for a hospital birth. After each contraction, we would just chat for a couple minutes until the next one and then we would go again. I had requested a birth mirror so I could see her head, and I saw it for a few minutes but for most of the time I kept my eyes closed so I could focus on pushing. It was also really cool how I could feel a contraction coming on before the monitor even picked it up. They didn't need to tell me when to push- I told them when I was about to push.

After a few contractions, the nurse calls my doctor (who was sleeping in an on-call room nearby) and told him it was time for delivery. And we were like, "What? We just got started? I thought this would take like 3 hours?" A few minutes later, my doctor came in and a bunch of nurses. You could tell he just woke up because he had pillow lines all over his face, haha. What a champ.

This is where it got real. Oh wow. We are really doing this. She is coming right now. I don't need to save my energy for 3 hours of pushing. I can give it all I got and she could be out this very push!  Once I realized that she could be out with this very push, then I started pushing even harder. I think I was subconsciously holding back a tiny bit because I thought I had hours of pushing to go.

Cosette was still kicking away on the monitor in between contractions and pushing, which I find hilarious. I can just imagine her kicking off my ribs or organs, making her way down. She was ready and nobody was getting in her way.

After pushing for a mere 20 minutes, Cosette Louise Brown was born. They placed her on my chest and we were so happy she was here! It all happened so fast and it felt like we blinked and she was here! It was the most perfect VBAC I could have imagined! (Minus the tearing. That wasn't my favorite.) She screamed and showed off her powerful lungs and we all just oooed and awwed at her. At some point my placenta slipped out and my doctor stitched me up, but I was so focused on our beautiful baby girl that I didn't notice anything else.

She latched on super quickly and that also made us so very happy. She weighed in at 8lbs 10oz and 20in long. She was an ounce bigger than Henry! And she was 3 days before her due date, when Henry was a full week late. I was discharged the next day and the initial recovery has been so much better than my c-section! My c-section recovery wasn't all that bad, but the hardest part was getting in and out of bed for feedings. So being able to sleep on my side and get out of bed easily has been the biggest positive difference in the two recoveries.

I am SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY that I got my VBAC. We went back and forth a lot about whether it was worth it or not, but I am so happy that we decided to give it a go and that it worked out for us. I had a really positive experience with my doctor and our hospital and we are happy that our two babes were born in the Little Apple. Kansas has been so good to us and we are sad we had to move. Hopefully when the kids are older, we will be able to make a trip back here and show them their birthplace.

If you made it this far, congratulations! I didn't think I had this much to say, but I guess I did. Woo babies and birth stories!!

And because she's the second child, we didn't take quite as many pictures in the hospital, but here are a few we did take:

5:20am dilated to a 9

5 hours old

Meeting baby sister for the first time- 12 hours old. Please excuse my hospital hair.

First picture as a family of 4

When we put him in the car, he said "Bye, bye, baby!" thinking that she was staying at the hospital.
And then we put her next to him... haha

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY, COSETTE!!!! We love you so much. You are the perfect addition to our crazy home!

PS. For those who are too embarrassed to ask, we spell her name with an S, but we pronounce it like a Z. It went well with her middle name, Louise, so we kept the S to be consistent. And that's how they spell it in Les Miserable, which is where her name came from. Louise is Cameron's maternal grandma's name, who passed away well before Cam was born. From what we know, she is an incredible lady and we were honored to name Cosette after her.

PPS. I may not post every month like I did with Henry's first year, but I do hope to post more often, so stay tuned!

Anna

Henry Stomach Virus

So I had every intention on writing a 3 month and 4 month update, but time escaped me and all of a sudden Henry is 5 months old. Not quite sure how that happened!

Well, I do have a legitimate excuse for missing his 3 month mark and that's because Henry got sick. Like really sick. Like we ended up in the hospital twice and spent 3 nights there sick. 

For those who don't know, here's what happened-

The day after Memorial Day (5/26), Henry started being fussy, which is very abnormal for our happy-go-lucky, always content baby. I didn't think much of it and couldn't really complain since it was just a little fuss and I'd already gotten three months out of him without any real cries. A few days went by and I thought about calling the doctor, but he didn't have any other symptoms other than just being a bit fussy. That weekend, Cam and I babysat for a family at our church who has 5 kids. 4 days, 3 nights. Henry was still fussy and started to always seem to be sleepy, but we were staying at a new place and he was sleeping in a pack-n-play, there were 5 kids all over him, etc. etc., so we didn't think much of it. He started to have diarrhea around this time, but since he's breastfed, we didn't really know it was diarrhea. 

I knew something was wrong when he stopped peeing. They always say to count how many wet/dirty diapers baby has everyday, but who does that? I didn't, until I noticed he hadn't peed all day long. The next time he peed, it was like 2 drops and brown. Bad news bears. This happened a couple times over the next few days, so on Monday I finally called the doctor and they got us in. 

Monday, Henry was suuuper sleepy. Like awake for a grand total of 15 minutes the entire day and when he was awake, he was CRANKY and just wanted to go to sleep. Of course when we got to the doctor's that evening, he perks right up and is smiling at her and charmed her into thinking he wasn't really sick. She told us to feed him 2 ounces every hour, or a minimum of 4 ounces every 3 hours in order to prevent dehydration. Let me emphasize that, 2 ounces EVERY hour. At this time, Henry was only waking up once at night to eat, so this meant getting him up every 3 hours and forcing him to eat. In order to know exactly how much he was taking, I had to pump, while Cameron force fed him with a syringe every 3 hours. This is when the vomiting began. He couldn't keep anything down, which was very discouraging for 2 exhausted parents who have been up all night pumping/syringing. 

We continued our pumping/syringing throughout the day and got another doc appt set up for that night. We get there and he weighs less than the day before (which was less than he was a month ago at his 2 mo appt) and they sent us to the hospital for dehydration. 

They got his IV in pretty quickly and we set up shop for the night. I didn't have to stress about feeding him and we were both able to get lots of much needed sleep for the night. They released us about 24 hours later when his weight was back up and he was perky again. We were relieved and happy and glad that was over. 

He was happy for about a day or two and then he just stopped eating. Just refused to eat. Every time I would offer my breast, he would take a couple sips and then scream, then sip and scream, over and over again. He was clearly very hungry, but something was bothering him and he wouldn't eat. This went on for a day or two and he started acting lethargic again. Suuuper sleepy, cranky, won't eat, and skinny. I could feel every one of his little ribs and I didn't want to pat him on the back because I could feel his bony spine. We went back to the doctor Saturday morning and he weighed less now than he did at the beginning of the week... Back to the hospital we went. 

Except this time, they couldn't get the IV in. Since he was so dehydrated, his veins were too tiny to find. We had nurses from pediatrics, newborn nursery, anesthesiologist, ER, former NICU nurse, you name it, they poked Henry. And none of them were successful. He was poked probably more than 20 times, a few in each foot/ankle, both hand/wrists/elbow, all over his head. They talked about sending us to the hospital in Topeka where they could try to put in a Central line. It was a rough day. Just imagine a tiny 3 month old lying on a hospital bed with 5+ nurses  hovering over him and restraining him, while one is fishing a needing in his skull. I wouldn't wish that upon any mother (or baby for that matter). 

We ended up just feeding him pedialyte in a bottle all day between pokes. At the end of the day, he got an NG tube put in, which is a small little tube that goes in his nose and directly to his tummy, so that they could just pump him with pedialyte all night, so we could get some sleep. The next day, I gave breastfeeding another shot, and he finally started eating again. He still had screaming bouts, but he was taking in a lot more. The doctor kept us there for another night (since he didn't want to send us home too early like last time) and we did the pedialyte pump for another night. And they sent us home Monday (6/8) morning. We were given a prescription to use in case he started vomiting again, which we filled, but luckily didn't have to use. 

The next few days, Henry was acting much, much better. He wasn't back to 100%, but he was much happier and awake and eating. He would occasionally give us a scare and start the suck and scream routine, which made us really nervous, but he always ended up latched on and eating, so we were okay. There was one night that he was up like every hour or so, just screaming. For no reason, which he has never done before. And he still had diarrhea (going on like 2 weeks I think). 

Side note; A lot of times when Henry is nursing, he likes to poop, so when he was having issues eating, we thought it was because he was trying to poop and couldn't. We went back to the doctor's office because he hadn't pooped in over 12 hours and was having these screaming fits and we were given a prescription for Zantac (which is an acid-reflux medication that I became all too familiar with when I was pregnant. That's karma for you, Henry ;)). The doctor thought that maybe he still had stomach acid built up from the night of vomiting that was bothering him. So we gave it a shot, and it worked! 

Well, I don't know if it actually worked, or if it was just coincidence that he stopped the screaming and got better (he had already been sick for 2 weeks) the same time he started zantac, but either way, he finally stopped screaming. Hallelujah!

About a week later, his diarrhea stopped, which was AWESOME! I didn't think it was ever going to end. Cameron and I actually talked about how we forgot what his poo was actually supposed to look like and we thought diarrhea was his new normal. But it stopped. As well as having to change his clothes every time he pooped which was like 5 times a day and a couple times a night (it leaked out every time since it was so liquidy... and also because I think I moved him up diapers too soon, so they were a bit big on him). I texted my doctor (who gave me her cell- talk about awesome doctor!), and we both did a happy dance. 

So that's the story. That's why I didn't do a 3 month update. Because for 3 weeks, my life revolved around diarrhea and nursing, and going to the doctor's office avg 4 times a week. 

Oh, I forgot to tell you what was wrong with him... Nobody knows!

Well, they say it was a stomach virus. But there's no test for that. They did a million labs on him, including blood tests, pee samples, and poo samples and they didn't find anything wrong. Which is good in that there's nothing "wrong" with him, but was hard because they could never pin point what it was. So yeah, if you're sick, don't touch a baby. 

Please. Do not touch a baby when you are sick. Or don't touch anyone for that matter, But especially not a baby. Because one small stomach virus for you, was a whole lot of heck for us that I hope never, ever happens again. 

And yes, he did have the rotavirus vaccine at his 2 month appointment; thank you very much (directed at the snarky nurse who asked in a condescending manner assuming I didn't let him get his vaccines on time). I AM TRYING MY BEST. HE HAS  ALL HIS VACCINES. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. PLEASE JUST DO YOUR JOB AND HELP HIM. *end rant*

that is all. Henry is better. Our happy boy is back and healthy and couldn't be happier. And for that, we are thankful. 

Sick Henry pics:

Babysitting

Hospital Visit 1

Hospital Visit 2

 I couldn't resist embarrassing myself... This is too good not to share:

Nursing

Look for Henry's 5 month update coming soon! 

-Anna

Henry's Birth Story

***WARNING***

Viewer Discretion Advised :)

The following post contains content that may be too graphic for children and some adults. 

It's also a short novel- Enjoy!

On Thursday morning, 6 days after my due-date, I woke up at 5:30am to pee. It was at that time when I noticed that I was spotting, and I got really excited. I thought it might be the beginning of my mucous plug or "bloody show", which meant baby was on his way. But I didn't get my hopes up because it could have just been a result from having sex the night before. Yes- we had sex. You shouldn't be surprised that this happens because I was pregnant... And if you don't know, Cameron is the father. If this is too much for you already, you should probably stop reading here. 

Around 8am, Cameron was getting ready for school and just as we were about to get in the car to drop him off, I offhandedly mentioned that I had been spotting the past few hours, but that he shouldn't worry because it was just from sex, which is very common to spot after late in pregnancy. Cameron stopped in his tracks and said "WHAT? Have you called the Doctor? You need to call the doctor. Are you having the baby today? Should I go to class? Is everything okay? Spotting is NOT normal. You need to call the doctor. My pregnant wife is bleeding. This is not okay. Call the doctor right now." 

I didn't want to call the doctor because I knew what they were going to say: Spotting after intercourse is very common late in pregnancy and it's nothing to be concerned about. I didn't want to call. But Cameron wasn't going anywhere until I did, so I conceded. At this point I was having contractions about every 10 minutes apart, but this was nothing new. I had been having what they call Braxton Hicks contractions since I was about 5 months pregnant, and these didn't feel any different. 

I called the doctor's office around 8:30am, but they were in a meeting, so I left a message. Cameron wasn't satisfied, so he had me call Labor and Delivery at the hospital. I spoke to one of the nurses and she basically said, "I can't say whether anything is wrong or not over the phone. If you're concerned, come in and get checked out." So that was that. Cameron was still freaking out and decided he was for sure not going to class that day and was going to do whatever we could to get baby here. 

For the next couple of hours, my "contractions" got closer together and at one point were 3-5 minutes apart. But they weren't painful. And my doctor had said that they would be painful and to not go to the hospital until they started to hurt. My nurse from the doctor's office called me back around 10ish and I told her about the spotting, to which she replied was from sex, like I had predicted she would. But then I told her the contraction were 5 minutes apart, to which she replied, "Oh, well then it sounds like you're in the early stages of labor. Good luck!" I kinda felt like I was deceiving her. Like I knew what to say for her to take me seriously and not brush me off. But, looking back on it, I really was having contractions and they were real, not just Braxton Hicks, so I wasn't completely lying when I said they were 5 minutes apart... Anyway. 

I spent the next few hours bouncing on an exercise ball a friend had lent me, while I timed every contraction. Sometimes they were only 30 seconds long and over 15 minutes apart, whereas other times they were 60 seconds long and only 2 minutes apart. There was such a wide range that it was hard for me to tell whether they were getting closer together. Some were strong. Some were weak. Sometimes I couldn't tell if I was having one or not. When you're looking for something, you're going to find it- which is how I felt with contractions. Was that a contraction? Yeah definitely. Well, maybe not. Ugh, I don't know! 

I figured today was the day, so I took a shower and a nap in preparation for the big event. I knew that as soon as we went to the hospital, I wouldn't be allowed to eat, so all day I was making sure to eat, eat, eat, so that I wouldn't be starving whenever we ended up going. Cameron wanted to get baby out, so he suggested we go on a walk. To convince me, he bribed me with Chickfila for lunch. 

After Chickfila, we went to a local book/video store to walk around. It was around this time (3ish?) that the contractions started to become uncomfortable. I remember looking at baby journals and having a strong contraction and wanting to leave the store immediately and I couldn't find Cameron. I walked past every book aisle and still couldn't find him and I ended up having to call his cell to locate him in the Children's book area. 

I was very done with walking, so we went home so I could bounce on the ball. Cameron needed to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy that day, so the deal was that after we picked up his pills that evening, we would drop by the hospital for me to get checked out to see if I was actually in labor or not. So around 6pm, we got to the hospital and I told the receptionist, "Hi, I think I'm in labor..." and they opened the doors graciously and took us in.

At 6:30pm, my nurse, whose name was Anna (which made it easy for me to remember :)) checked me and said that I was dilated to a 1 and was 50% effaced. To me, this was exciting news because I hadn't had any progress at all in all my doctor's appointments leading up to this. An hour whizzed by and I had progressed to a 2! She told us we could stay one more hour to see if we made any more progress, and an hour later I was at a 3, so they decided to admit me. The doctor that was on-call was already there, so she came in and broke my water.

That. Was. Weird. As soon as the doctor broke my water, I felt this very warm, thick, liquid pouring out of me. And it didn't stop. It felt like I peed my pants, over and over again. It just keeps leaking out of you. 

At this point, I lose track of time. The contractions were coming closer together, maybe 5-6 minutes apart? I don't really know. I just focused on them one at a time. In our birth class, they taught us to focus on our breathing- 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out. So that's what I focused on the whole time. In the beginning, it was no big deal. I can count to 4 a few times in a row, no problem. But when the contractions started getting stronger and longer... Oh My Gosh. How many 4 seconds are in a freaking minute?!! This is the worst. 

Let's just talk about contractions for a minute here. They were nothing like I expected. Whenever I imagined pain from a contraction, I always thought it would be like a piercing, burning, my-vagina-is-going-to-rip open, OUCH feeling. It was nothing like that. For me, contractions felt like period cramps. Like, my ovaries hurt and this is really uncomfortable and I feel really, really icky and nauseous. So for me, it wasn't "Ow, this is painful." It was "Ughh I feel really icky and sick. I don't like this." 

Also, I had read all of the "What Nobody Tells You About Labor" blogs, and thought I knew everything and anything that could/would happen to me. But somehow everyone forgot to mention to me the vast amount of nausea and vomit that I would experience. Let's just say, even though I aimed well enough to throw up in the teeny tiny bowl they gave me, I still managed to cover myself, my hair, my gown, the bed, and Cameron in one hurl. And I continued to puke for hours- Maybe that's why I lost track of time after about 10pm. Because I was puking. A lot.

Sometime along the way, I progressed to a 4 and then to a 5. And during this time, baby wasn't doing too well. His heart rate would drop significantly with every contraction, which they said would be normal if I were at an 8/9, but not normal for only a 4/5. His meconium (poop) also passed through me, which was another indicator that he was distressed. They tried several different things to help his heart rate stay stable. I was given an IV in case of dehydration, I was then given an oxygen mask, they started me on pitocin, I had to stay laying on my left side, etc. But nothing was helping him. The scary part was that his heart rate was dropping just after the peak of the contractions, which they told us indicated that his umbilical cord might be wrapped around his neck. 

Meanwhile, I am still vomiting like none other and feel like crap. And it dawned on me, I have a way out. I can get an epidural. Why didn't I think of this before? There is absolutely no reason I shouldn't get an epidural. Why would anyone do this naturally? I want the epidural. Please. No more pain and vomit for me. I made it to a 5; that was my goal. I did it. Now, give me the epidural. So I told the nurse and she went to find the anesthesiologist for me. A few minutes later, she comes back in and informed me that the other girl in labor that night was in the middle of getting a c-section, which meant that the anesthesiologist was unavailable for at least an hour until the other girl was out of surgery. 

I'm sorry, what? An hour? That's not going to work for me. 

But, she said, we can give you this strong pain medication through your IV. It won't take the pain completely away. It will take the edge off of the contractions. The baby has the potential to be lethargic when he's born, but probably not because you'll only be on it for an hour until you can get the epidural and he's still got awhile until he's here.

I don't care. Give me that. 

So she puts me on this medication- I don't know what it's called. But for the purpose of this story, she basically gave me LSD. I'm not kidding. I've never done drugs before until now. And this stuff was CRAZY. I was hallucinating and seeing all sorts of colors and shapes, which turned into mazes, and Oh My Gosh, where am I? I can't even really describe to you what I experienced because I was tripping out of my mind the entire time. It was an out-of-body experience. I would completely forget that I was in labor until a contraction came and then I was brought back to this dimension for 30 seconds or so and then I would disappear again into LaLa land. Very strange experience to say the least. 

At some point the IV wore off and I started to come back to reality. I felt confused/disoriented for awhile after the drug wore off, so my sense of time is completely skewed. Anna, our nurse, came in and asked me if I for sure wanted the epidural and I said Yes. Definitely. So, the anesthesiologist came in and inserted the epidural. I didn't even feel her put it in. The only thing I felt was a funny electrical shock shoot through my left leg, which made it kick. That was pretty cool. 

Almost instantly did I start to lose feeling in my lower half. My left side went numb pretty quickly, but my right took some more finagling. As I'm losing feeling, the doctor came in and said "The baby's heart rate isn't getting better. We want your baby to be safe. We're going to need to do a C-section now." 

What? But I just got my epidural. I'm here for the long-haul. I don't want a c-section. I didn't prepare for this. I'm not ready. I thought I had more time? I thought we were going to wait and see if it got better? Okay, I said. I want him to be safe.

What did I just agree to? What's happening? Did I just agree to a c-section? This is happening way too fast. What's going on? 

My nurse looks me in the eyes and says, "I'm going to be here with you the whole time. I'm not leaving your side. We're going to wheel you into the OR now, okay? Cameron, here's your outfit. Join us in the OR when you're dressed." By this time I'm only 80% numb and nervous I'm going to feel the surgery. I told the doctor I wasn't fully numb yet and she told me they would do a test poke before she started to make sure I couldn't feel anything.

*Side note* I'm really, really glad that I asked for the epidural when I did because if I hadn't, they would have had to put me under and I would've missed his whole birth. And that would have been really sad. 

They wheeled me across the hall into this really bright room. A bunch of nurses appeared out of nowhere and together, they picked up my body and moved it onto the operating table. Now, that's a weird sensation. Not being able to control your body and seeing nurses move your legs and not being able to feel it. At all. So strange. By this time the epidural had completely kicked in and I couldn't feel anything. 

They had me lay on the table with my arms spread out to the side, like I'm on the cross. It was a very vulnerable feeling. Cameron soon appeared and stayed by my head. As I'm talking to him, telling him that I wasn't prepared for a c-section, they put up the curtain and I feel them pushing around my stomach. I'm waiting for the test-poke, but it never came. I thought they were just prepping me for surgery, but about 5 minutes later, if that, it was time to "push". I hear them count to three and then I feel 4 nurses push the top of my stomach, and like squeezing a tube of toothpaste, our baby was born and we heard him cry for the first time!

What? I didn't know they had started yet! Where was the test poke? He's already here? What the... We have a baby?! But that was so fast! Oh, look at him. He's okay. My baby is going to be okay. 

That is the best sound in the whole world. Hearing him cry for the first time. Knowing that he is okay and he is alive and kicking. Makes me cry every time I think of that moment. 

The nurse cleaned him off, weighed him, measured him, and gave him to Cameron. Cameron held him for a minute and then brought him over to me and I held him for the first time. And my heart melted. And I was in complete disbelief. I couldn't believe he was here! I was ready to wait many more hours for him to get here and he got here in about 5 minutes! I thought, Why didn't we just do this from the beginning? That was so quick! I didn't have to do anything! That was so easy! I don't actually mean that though. I would have much preferred delivering normally, but that's life. 

After a few minutes of holding Henry, they took him away to do whatever they do, and put me back together. Around this time, I began to feel nauseous again and asked for a bowl. Sorry no bowl, here's a tiny cup. And since you're in the middle of surgery, just turn your head to the side and aim for this cup. Awesome. Just let it drip down your cheek. Smell it up. 

Can I have some water? This vomit doesn't taste so great.

Uh, no... Sorry.

Dangit. Oh well. 

They eventually put everything back where it belongs and wheeled me off to recovery where I really got to hold Henry, feed him, and start to get to know him. And finally drink some water.

Henry: He was/is the most precious little person there ever was. It's hard to describe what a mother's love feels like, but it's powerful. I love him from the deepest parts of my soul. He is my center of attention. His needs/wants come before mine. He is beautiful. He is innocent, kind, forgiving, loving, tender, patient, and he is my son. I want to give him the world. I never want to see him struggle or be in pain and I want to do everything for him. (I know I need to let him struggle and go through the pains of life; I just don't want to. Don't worry- Cameron is here to balance me out.) He is my everything and I am beyond excited to watch him and help him grow up. And at the same time, it makes my heart hurt to see him get bigger and learn new things. He is the best addition to our family that we could have ever asked for. 

Breastfeeding: I was really nervous about breastfeeding since a lot of my friends told me how painful it can be. I was determined to push through it and endure for as long as I could. And guess what, it hasn't been bad! The first week or two was painful, but that's it. My nipples have adjusted and Henry is a champ. He got the hang of it really fast and we have been a good team. I'm not a pro at it yet, by any means, but we've got a good thing going for us. And I'm telling you this, not to brag or boast, but to give mom-to-be's some hope. Breastfeeding doesn't have to be painful and can actually be a good experience. I used to think it was a reeeally weird concept, but I would have never said that out loud in fear of retribution. But for some reason, as soon as he was born, something just clicked in my mind and it wasn't weird anymore. It made sense and was completely normal. It was like flipping a switch for me.

C-Section: Not once during the whole pregnancy did I consider a c-section as an option. I didn't consider it as even a possibility. Never crossed my mind. I didn't want to have a c-section. I didn't want surgery. I wanted the euphoric feeling that comes with pushing a baby out. I wanted that great story about how hard I worked to get him here. And sometimes it feels like I got robbed of giving birth to my son. I didn't push him out; the nurses and doctor did. I just laid there, helplessly, as my doctor gave birth to him. Not me. I know I went through 41 weeks of pregnancy and 9 hours of labor, but I still feel like I missed out. I'm working on accepting my c-section and focusing on the fact that it saved my son's life. Not to mention, his huge cone-head, which they said indicated he was trying to descend but was too big to fit through my pelvis. The nurses said I probably would have ended up with a c-section anyway since he wouldn't have been able to fit through. So, at least I didn't have to go through many more hours of labor and hours of pushing and still end up with a c-section. So that's good. But it's still hard. Knowing that I couldn't bring him into this world on my own, that I needed medical intervention. Although cliche, I think it's one of those things that unless you personally have had a c-section, you won't understand. 

What does that mean for future babies? I don't know. I'm hoping to be able to give birth vaginally in the future, but I'm not going to worry about that until the time comes. I will say, I'm not going to let this affect how many kids I have. Even if I have to have c-sections for the rest of my babies. 

Either way, I'm just grateful for the ability to carry a baby for 9 months and get a healthy, beautiful, baby boy out of it. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be his mother and to raise him to be a good man. God is good. And He has blessed us so much these last 10 months. I cannot begin to thank Him enough.

Here are a few pictures for your enjoyment!

9:30pm before things got ugly AKA covered in vomit

Just before surgery

First time holding Henry

Right after they put me back together

Father and son

First family photo

Me and Henry

Henry!

If you have any questions regarding my c-section, recovery, or Henry, feel free to message me, and I would be happy to answer. I look forward to sharing our family memories with y'all on this blog as Henry gets older. Thanks for reading!

Anna